January 2016

How to live like a sultan!

10 Comments / January 2016, Veronica Noir / /

Veronica

Veronica is my evil twin and I let her scrawl her silliness all over my blog every Friday. Her readings are deep, insightful and full of penis innuendos. Let’s see what nonsense advice she has for you today…

9 of pents

Morgan Greer Tarot

Just like a spectator at an orgy, the fancy lady of the Nine of Pentacles reclines with ease and luxuriously nibbles on grapes!

Do you wish you could be this fancy lady?

Guess what? You can!

All you need is a falcon, some head jewels and the understanding that everything feels more decadent when you just sit back, relax and eat grapes.

If the kids are fighting this weekend, don’t intervene. Sit back, relax and eat some grapes. Pretend your watching gladiators in a Roman coliseum.

Friends boring you with tiresome, detailed stories about their latest vacation? Sit back, relax and eat grapes. Indulge in a lurid sex fantasy about Daniel Craig. Your friends won’t even know!

Can’t stand the thought of cooking dinner for your in-laws on Sunday night? Fuck it. Sit back, relax and eat grapes. Order pizza.

So there you have it. A plan for your weekend!

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A filthy cure for impatience!

3 Comments / January 2016, Veronica Noir / /

Veronica

Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin sister and she’s here to dish up some mystical advice like never before!

7 of pentacles
Anna K Tarot

It’s time to get dirty!!!! No, not like in that desperate/gross Christina Aguilera video….even better.

The Seven of Pentacles is about patience, but it’s also about actually involving yourself in something. Like when you start a craft project and before you know it it’s 3am and your covered in glue gun goo and sparkles!

Impatience is time-related and it’s a symptom of not being in the NOW. The easiest way to nix impatience in the bud is to throw yourself into a project – roll around in it, breathe it, smear it on your face and stuff.

Since you live in a culture that tries to distract you every five seconds with total bullshit, being focused and deep in create mode is one of the most subversive, bad ass things you can do!

And if you don’t have a project to throw yourself into, just throw yourself into life! Walk barefoot on the linoleum, toss your hand sanitizer, throw caution to the wind! Be willing to get a little messy – everything’s way more fun that way 😉

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It’s never too late to give up!

3 Comments / January 2016, Veronica Noir / /

veronica 2

Veronica is back! After her exhausting holiday of eggnog slamming and rum ball munching she’s back at it. This reading is a little less provocative that her usual stuff and she apologizes. She wore out her sarcastic, bitchy, judgy side over the holidays 😉

three of wands
Dame Darcy Mermaid Tarot

Just because you’ve put time and effort into something doesn’t mean you have to stick with it. You can jump ship at any time!

The Three of Wands is all about looking over the manifestations of your efforts and deciding whether you should keep on keepin’ on or abort the whole plan.

Maybe you’ve worked very hard to get where you are in your job – long hours, boring schooling, being stressed out all the time – but if you look on the horizon and see only more stress, boredom and long hours, what’s the point?!

You can back out and change your mind at any time! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

There seems to be this big taboo around quitting and giving up, but if your giving up something that sucks, that’s not weakness or failure….that’s wisdom!

Most people think January is a time for goal setting. Fuck that. January is a time for re-evaluating. Look at what past goals have brought you and decide if it’s working for the new you, or if it’s only appeasing the old you.

 

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