one card tarot reading

How to give advice….

veronica 2

Veronica Noir is The Daily Tarot Girl’s fearless, daring (yet evil!) twin. When she isn’t offering up salacious advice on a Friday, she’s cruising around the Mediterranean on her yacht with a couple of boy-toys, a good book and a cool mojito.

counselor

Archangel Oracle Cards

by Doreen Virtue

Today or this weekend a close friend will ask you for advice. You will be tempted to unleash your mental cornucopia of brilliant insights.

If you do, this is what will happen:

Your friend will nod along like she’s listening. But then she will do the exact opposite of what you said. Almost as if she asked for your opinion only to reject it in a coy maneuver of subtle oneupmanship. The nerve!

So do this instead:

Give the exact opposite of what you think is “good advice” – your friend isn’t listening anyway, so have fun with it.

If she whines about her marriage, tell her to have an affair with the pool-boy. If she moans about how tired she is, suggest she mix a little Speed into her morning coffee. All work-related issues can be solved by taking an extended sick leave or quitting. All neighborly disputes can be fixed with….fists.”Maybe violence IS the answer”, you tell her.

You may soon find that none of your friends ever ask you for advice anymore. But would that really be such a bad thing?

How to give advice…. Read More »

Stop being polite and start giving unsolicited advice!

veronica 2Veronica is my evil twin/alter ego and she takes over my blog on Friday’s to impart her bitchy wisdom. When she isn’t Tarot reading, she’s seducing some buff young thing at the gym, penning sultry smut on her laptop and knocking back the martinis while laughing maniacally at some mediocre romantic comedy…

queen of coins
Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin

Today’s Tarot card is the Queen of Coins (aka Queen of Pentacles) and she’s just trudged onto the scene to tell you “don’t be afraid to put your nose in other people’s business!”

We often think of the Queen of Coins as having nurturing qualities and being down to earth and good with money. But she’s got a dark side….

This Queen is also a nosy busy-body who likes to muscle in and let you know her opinion on every matter.

From the state of your barren uterus (when are you going to have children?!) to your choice in self help books (you should be reading Wayne Dyer not Osho!), she just can’t keep her crappy opinions to herself.

If you know someone like this, you probably can’t stand her. But admit it….you kind of want to act like her some days. I know you’re just dying to ask people inappropriate questions and then offer up your unsolicited advice. Well, my friend, today is the day to do just that!

Don’t censor yourself today.

Don’t tell yourself it’s none of my business.

Today, everything is your business and everyone needs to hear your advice.

Have fun 😉

xoxo
Veronica

Stop being polite and start giving unsolicited advice! Read More »

I should be participating? No thanks.

veronica 2Veronica is my evil twin sister who spends her days flirting with 20-year-old boys, suntanning topless on public beaches and saying NO to charities….she needs that money for martinis! Let’s see what evil advice she has for us today…

participation
Osho Zen Tarot

Today’s Tarot card is Participation (aka Four of Wands).

When I was in elementary school, my teachers were always blathering on and on about “participation.” As in “Veronica, why aren’t you participating?”

Well, for starters I don’t participate in things that are stupid (like dodgeball) and I certainly don’t participate in things just because generic rule followers request it of me.

So take a look at your life today and notice what kinds of things you’re participating in. Do you enjoy it? Does it bring you satisfaction? Or are you doing it to appease someone?

For example, do you participate in donating to the charity of the week when you’re going through the checkout at Costco? Is it because you want to? Or is it because you’re worried that if you don’t, all those hot dog munchers behind you will think you’re a heartless bitch?

Participation is wonderful when it brings people together and diabolical when it forces you to just go through the motions for fear of being ostracized !

I should be participating? No thanks. Read More »

Seven of Swords: “we should get together for coffee!!!” and other lies…

veronica 2My evil alter ego Veronica Noir is here to kick some sense into you with her bitchy Tarot reading! Veronica was selfless enough to take a moment out of her busy day of pedicures, naps and boy-toying to write you this snippet of advice. So take it! Or else….

seven of swords
The Housewives Tarot

You know when you run into someone you haven’t seen for a while and they say “oooh, we should get together for coffee!” but you know they are totally lying?

Then you say something like “well, I’m free all this week and all next week. Morning, noon and night – I’m open!”

And they say “hmm, yeah I’ll facebook you….”

And then they don’t.

It’s because they never actually wanted to have coffee and “catch up” with you. They don’t give a fuck. They’re  just jerking off your ego out of misplaced politeness.

And let’s face it – we all jerk off each others egos out of misplaced politeness now and then. So here’s the deal. Stop saying things you don’t mean just so you can seem more amicable.

We all know you’re a total bitch anyway.

And stop giving a free pass to all those wankers in your life who act all nicey nicey when in reality they’d rather spend an afternoon plucking nipple hairs than drinking coffee with the likes of you!

 

Seven of Swords: “we should get together for coffee!!!” and other lies… Read More »

Four of Pentacles: Time to bust out of your comfort zone!

fridays with veronicaVeronica Noir, The Daily Tarot Girl’s evil counterpart, is here to kick some sense into you with her uncompassionate style of Tarot reading. She usually writes these half-drunk, so take her advice with a grain of salt…or a tablespoon!

the miser
Osho Zen Tarot

Today’s card is 4 of Pentacles and the message is clear: magic doesn’t happen in the comfort zone.

Yes, I know, the comfort zone is awesome. I love it too.

There is nothing I love more than snuggling on my couch, sipping spiked hot chocolate and watching The Vampire Diaries or some other silly show.

But does it make me feel ALIVE? No. Fuck no.

We all need to rest and recharge, I get it. That’s what the comfort zone is for. But don’t stay there forever – you weren’t meant to, for God’s sake!

It’s time for you to bust out from behind your wall and share your sparkly goodies with the world.

You hide yourself out of fear, you modest thing, you! But once you step out of your comfort zone, something amazing happens….your comfort zone gets bigger and bigger and bigger…..

Until suddenly you’re doing nude yoga at your local park and feeling totally cool with it.

In the comments below, tell me how you plan to step out of your comfort zone this weekend…

psychic self

Four of Pentacles: Time to bust out of your comfort zone! Read More »

Radical holiday ideas from Veronica

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil Tarot reading twin. She enjoys sneaking in dirty gifts at her workplace’s Secret Santa party, avoiding shopping malls and buying herself lavish gifts on Amazon.com. Let’s read her advice for the holiday season….

silence
Osho Zen Tarot

Meditation is like telling your mind to shut the fuck up.

And this card, Silence (aka The Star) is telling you to do just that.

During the holiday season, your mind is probably all like “what should I take to the party? when will I get all my shopping done? What am I going to buy for this person and that person?”

Don’t buy anyone anything this year. It’s all going to end up in a landfill in a couple of years anyway.

Give the gift of silence this Christmas.

Instead of presents, how about presence?

Gosh, I’m witty!

But what this card’s really saying is take some time out from all the pointless parties, socializing with irritating family members and horrific shopping excursions and connect with the deepest part of yourself.

This will allow you to be fully present at your next nightmare inducing social gathering so you won’t have to chug dirty martinis all night just to get through it.

Although, that doesn’t sound so bad after all!

In the comments below, tell me what Christmas event/party/obligation you will be skipping this year…just because?

december special readings

Radical holiday ideas from Veronica Read More »

Veronica shows you how to be lazy…

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my evil twin. I let her write on my blog only on Fridays. She is a part time Tarot reader, full time gangster of fabulousness. While you can find her many places…you won’t find her volunteering, attending lame office Christmas parties or pretending to like children…

laziness
Osho Zen Tarot

Today’s card is Laziness (aka Nine of Cups) from the Osho Zen Tarot.

Laziness – it’s the greatest taboo in our culture while simultaneously being dangled in our faces like a carrot called “retirement”.

Don’t put off rest and relaxation for when your retired – that’s one of those creepy ideas that the social control system churns out to trick you into working yourself to death.

Laziness is a fine art which requires practice, practice, practice!

So if you don’t master it now, don’t expect to retire and “poof!” suddenly be able to just sit back and chill out while binge watching old episodes of  The Vampire Diaries on Netflix. It just won’t happen.

But hear me when I say laziness is a fine art. You have to be careful not to overdo it.

Laziness, while artfully done, always feels good, nourishing and a little bit naughty. But if it makes you feel de-motivated, irritable and hating all of humanity, then you’ve fucked up big time.

So this weekend….be a bit lazy. And if some twit says “keeping busy?” when they run into you on the street, say “NO” and watch what happens!

 

Veronica shows you how to be lazy… Read More »

Notice the Good Shit!

fridays with veronicaVeronica is my sassy, foul-mouthed twin and she’s here to inject some fabulousness into your life! Let’s see what she has to say about the Nine of Pentacles….

9 pentacles
Tarot of Mermaids

When you go off looking for the good stuff, you’re likely to find it.

The Nine of Pentacles is all about total enjoyment of your surroundings. And you can start by noticing what’s awesome about your life right now.

No, I’m not going to say “make a gratitude list, be grateful for what you have,” because YUCK! who wants to hear that?

Personally, I’ve had enough of preachy spiritual types telling me to practice “gratitude”. They can suck it.

But I love to appreciate the good things in life – like shutting off my alarm clock and going back to sleep when it’s dark and rainy outside. Or the feel of two boy-toys massaging my feet while the third one feeds me profiteroles. Or just knowing that my kindle has nearly 1,000 filthy unread novels waiting for me….

It’s the simple things, really.

So if you want to make your life more fabulous, make a list.

No, not a gratitude list. Call it a “Delicious List” and list everything in your life that is deliciously wonderful.

Then just sit back and let the good times roll….

Notice the Good Shit! Read More »

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