The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part One: The Queens

I know from experience that the Court Cards can be tough to learn and remember.

Why? Because they’re boring.

Maybe that’s a bit harsh. But typically a Court Card is just a person sitting there not doing anything. Boring! How are you supposed to get anything from that?

So I turned to my evil twin Veronica (aka me after a glass of wine) for her sizzling take on the starchy royals of the Tarot.

She said that she had an easier time understanding their personas and messages once she thought of them in a sexual way. Gross! But it works…

The Tarot Queens in Bed

The Queens are the ultimate sex goddesses of the Tarot! Powerful, confident and full of womanly charms, each Queen represents the energy of her suit in it’s mature, feminine manifestation.

But lets answer the question that everyone wants to know: what are these Queens like in the boudoir?

The Queen of Cups

queen of cups tarot card

Robin Wood Tarot

Suit of Cups: emotions, feelings, relationships

Personality traits: She’s intuitive and nurturing

The Queen of Cups is a dream lover. She takes her time, savors the moment and intuitively knows exactly what you want her to do next.

She’s a true romantic and she loves to talk about feelings. Don’t think you can just shag her without some obligatory eye gazing and emotional masturbation beforehand. Be prepared.

Sappy movies like Sweet November and Hope Floats act as an instant aphrodisiac, getting her all hot and bothered.

This Queen isn’t into the one night stands but write her some poetry and she’ll be tossing her panties at you like your Tom Jones (50 years ago).

Secret fantasy: she longs to be dominated by an alpha bad-boy!


The Queen of Wands

crystal visions tarot

Crystal Visions Tarot

Suit of Wands: creativity, passion, career, action

Personality traits: She’s sharp, fiery and gets shit done

This lady is foxy and brimming with moxie! The Queen of Wands is passionate and driven both in and out of the bedroom.

She’s a total cougar whose always on the prowl for a younger man that she can whisk away on a sexual escapade.

If your lucky, she may invite into her closet which is full of kinky costumes, feather boas and all kinds of weirdness!

The Queen of Wands is perhaps the most exotic and adventurous of all the Queens, due to her extensive travels in foreign lands, where she has bedded countless lovers and learned all kinds of international delights.

Nothing shocks her anymore, but she is far from jaded.

Secret fantasy: teaching sexual tricks to a younger man or woman.


The Queen of Pentacles

fenestra tarot

Fenestra Tarot

Suit of Pentacles: money, health, home, the body

Personality traits: She’s earthy, calm and sensual

Known for her practicality and two-feet-on-the-ground persona, her sexual passion is like a slow burning fire. She’s slow to arouse, but can go all night once she gets going!

She isn’t wild or kinky, but she’s a sensual and languid lover who appreciates erotic massage, candles and good wine.

While she won’t turn down an orgy invitation, she’s more likely to sit on the sidelines eating grapes than join in on the debauchery.

Seduce her by bringing her edible, earthy gifts, like a basket of penis-shaped vegetables. She’ll get the hint!

Secret fantasy: a picnic that leads to outdoor sex in the woods.


The Queen of Swords

hanson-roberts tarot

Hanson-Roberts Tarot

Suit of Swords: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication

Personality traits: She’s kind of a bitch

While you may suspect the Queen of Swords to be a total killjoy in the sack, think again.

This phallus (ahem, “sword”) wielding vixen can really rock your world. After a long day of keeping her shit together she wants nothing more than to get totally wild and nasty!

She’s brainy (being of the suit of Swords), which means she loooooves to use big, smart-person words in her dirty talk. And talk dirty she does….

This Queen is icy and reserved when you meet her, but turns into a filthy little motormouth between the sheets. Who knew?!

Secret fantasy: wearing a strap-on.

Read Part 2: The Pages in Bed!

Read Part 3: Hot Tarot Knights

Read Part 4: The Kinky Kings


To Sum Things Up…

Looking at the Tarot Court Cards in a whole new way brings them to life!

The Tarot Court Cards are multidimensional characters and while most descriptions of them can be pretty yawn-worthy and forgettable, I guarantee you won’t soon forget the filth you just read here.

Add Your Two Cents!

In the comments below, tell me which Tarot Queen you think would make the most captivating lover and why?

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This entry was posted in March 2014, Tarot Tips, Veronica Noir and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part One: The Queens

  1. Teresa says:

    Kate, Thanks for such a delicious way to get more out of the court cards. I do have questions. Are the analogies here for the purpose of memorization and to trigger other aspects of the court cards as well when doing a read? Secondly do you feel the same way about the court cards in general(sexual nature) or is it a matter of the spread or position of card or the energy of the querent?

    • Kate says:

      Great questions, Teresa!
      The analogies here are basically just for the purposes of entertainment, not memorization. But I do think that what I have wrote will trigger other aspects of the court cards – I basically used the sexual theme to highlight key personality traits in the court cards – basically I am looking at each card through a sexual lens. No, I don’t think the court cards are particularly sexual in general – at least that never comes to mind when they come up in a reading. Unless your doing a reading about sex or romance, then it would make sense to interpret them this way.
      I hope that answers your questions!

  2. Oh my goodness… funniest post EVER! Also, totally right!!! The court cards definitely seem more alive to me when you imagine them actually living out their lives… sex and all! I have also found that some decks, like Tarot of the Dream Enchantress (one I know you have 🙂 ) help make the court cards come alive too, because you see the characters doing more, and you see more of the landscape and the lives around them than you do in the traditional Rider-Waite tarot. They come alive more to me in decks like that, because you see them in context. Does that make sense?? I hope so! Great post Kate! 😀

    • Kate says:

      Thanks Jessica, glad you enjoyed this 🙂 I have noticed that depending on the deck, the court cards can either be very boring or very lively – the Druidcraft Tarot is another deck that I feel really captures the essence of each court card and has all kinds of interesting little details in the background.
      Thanks so much for commenting!

  3. erika says:

    Great post!! What an excellent way to remember these court cards!! (not gross at all!)

  4. Sarah says:

    Hahaha. I just knew the Queen of Swords would be into strap-ons, even before I got to her on the list! Great post Kate.

  5. Wixx says:

    Actually, as unfit as it sounds, the sexual energies inside all of us is a great source of raw primal energy with which to draw inspiration from…Whatever your take! If you are promiscuous you are already aware of the unparalleled effects of arousing the beast in any endeavor…doubt it? Just get someone hot and bothered and let them hang in the suspense of it for a bit…watch how they will just about derail. And on the flip-side, even the most conservative of us pleasured into the grips will become agitated to no end if left to our own fantasies…I don’t care your take on it…It is a power unlike any other…If you can harness that energy and direct it to your chosen target…Thus the basis of sex magick…No climax is not the be all, end all…It’s actually only a gateway to greater life experiences!

  6. jamie morris says:

    Well, this seems totally spot-on–and brilliant! Queens between the sheets. Who knew.


    • Kate says:

      Thanks, Jamie! Just wait till I write about the knights, kings and pages – you will never look at your Tarot deck the same way again!

  7. Mel says:

    This is absolutely brilliant!!! What a fantastic strategy, thank you so much for this eye (and mind)-opening trick! You rock 🙂

  8. Christy says:

    So clever, Kate (I mean Veronica! Lol)!! This is awesome!!

  9. Ellen says:

    I love how you’ve put it all together. It does give you a whole different perspective on those queens. They become more like characters in a book or actors in a movie.
    Game of thrones is starting in april with its next season 😀

  10. EG says:

    Totally awesome! Enormous! Nothing else to say!!! 🙂

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