Veronica’s Oscar Picks

Veronica is my nefarious Tarot reading twin. At night she slinks through the streets under the cover of darkness, hunting for young, unsuspecting man-meat. By daylight she naps, writes filth and eats bon bons. But on Fridays, she reads Tarot – for you, right here…

Rider Waite Tarot

The Hermit has hobbled into your life today to tell you one thing and one thing only….

“Be a trailblazer and decide for yourself what’s good. Don’t rely on others to tell you. They have terrible taste.”

So the Oscars happened last week. Or was it the week before? I don’t know because I didn’t watch…I’m way too cool for stuff like that.

But do you notice how year after year awards are dished out to depressing films about being miserable?

Yeah. Avoid that shit.

That’s why I’m giving you my list of Oscar picks. These films were never actually nominated for an Oscar. But they should have been. And would have been if this were a sane world…

Showgirls

One of the campiest, most memorable movies to come out of the 90’s was Showgirls. If you haven’t seen it yet, you’re missing out. Of course those stuffed shirt critics panned it, but what do they know? Nothing.

Basic Instinct

This is your classic 90’s femme fatale movie starring Michael Douglas as a helpless man victim. Women in 90’s movies were always taking advantage of Michael Douglas for some reason.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

This movie is a classic! I remember making my babysitter watch this one probably 50 times. Sadly, at that time I didn’t realize this movie was a comedy. I thought it was a horror movie. Oh to be seven years old again!

 

Haunting Desires

You probably haven’t heard of this little known art-house film. It’s about a strip bar run by vampires and a perverted homicide detective who dresses like Dick Tracy. I bought the DVD at my friend’s garage sale and have since given it to my other friend as a wedding gift. I kind of got the vibe that this film was shot with one of those home movie camera’s that annoying dads carried around in the late 80’s. But it only ups the camp.

 

Any of the 10 Step Up movies

I didn’t realize there were so many Step Up movies until last week when I was day-drunk, scrolling through Netflix. My favorite part about these movies is that they don’t make you think. You can get up for a pee and not worry about pressing pause. You can eat popcorn and it doesn’t matter if the crunch crunch sound drowns out the “dialogue”. A masterpiece indeed…

 

So now I want to know…

what are your favorite movies of all time (that no one else liked)?

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17 Responses to Veronica’s Oscar Picks

  1. M- says:

    Spot on with both Showgirls (grrls) AND Basic Instinct. (Like a lot of thing, award shows are just politics disguised as entertainment.) And can we talk about the lighting and (no-color) colors in Basic Instinct…loved this movie!

    Other movies I watch over and over:
    Trick or Treat
    Lady Beware
    Double Tap (the one with Heather Locklear & Stephen Rea)
    anything by John Hughes
    Bram Stoker’s Dracula
    K-9
    Pride & Prejudice (with Keira Knightley)

  2. Rose says:

    Barbarella and Flash Gordon.
    And Star Wars, of course.

  3. Amy says:

    My favorites are Prince of Persia (Jake Gyllenhaal is yum in this movie), Bend it Like Beckham (Jonathan Rhys Meyers is yum in this movie), What a Girl Wants (Amanda Bynes’ character goes to London and comedy ensues), and My Life in Ruins (an uptight tour guide finds her groove in Greece and comedy ensues). I watch these movies all by myself because no one else I know likes them…..and I like it that way!

  4. James Bulls says:

    On a slightly related topic, ever notice how no matter how bad the movies were in a given year, one of them will always win best picture? Even if the whole year was full of crap-tastic direct-to-DVD abortions, one of them is guaranteed to win best picture because the Oscars must give out a best picture. I’m waiting for the year when the announcer opens the envelope and says, “Well, it turns everything everybody made this year just wasn’t very good. No ‘Best Picture’ this year.”

    • yeah, I know what you mean. Although I think there’s enough movies made each year that they can’t all be terrible. But it would be funny if all filmakers around the world conspired to produce terrible, terrible movies for one year and see which terrible movie gets the oscar.

  5. Zoe T. says:

    I do so agree with Veronica (as usual!).
    The Hermit is one of my top fave-five Tarot cards.
    It’s all about becoming immune to and rejecting, all the pressure on us all to be ‘normal’.
    Families, peer-groups, advertisers, the media, – they’re all out to turn us into colourless, deferential, uncritical, obedient wage-slaves, cannon-fodder, baby-factories, etc., as the case may be!
    My own all-time favourite movie (albeit from long ago) that turns all the usual social conventions on their heads, just has to be “Harold & Maude”.
    It got no Oscars, of course, and only ever got a miserable couple of nominations for Golden Globes, – unsuccessfully, of course.
    If you’re an ‘Out and Proud’ misfit and incorrigible individual (like Veronica and me!) you’ll laugh out loud, all through this one!
    And Ruth Gordon’s in it, too, – she can do no wrong, movie-wise, for me.
    If you don’t get to love this film, see your doctor!
    Another anti-hero based film suggestion, though much darker and from the same era,
    is “If . . .”.
    Once again, no Oscars for this unique and hard-hitting story of a group of outcast ‘skool-haters’, bloody but unbowed by their bullying surroundings, who get even, – maybe in fantasy, maybe not.
    Only one (unsuccessful of course) Golden Globe nomination for that cult classic, sadly.
    Likewise, “Suburbia”, another Oscar-less story of a group of young, unloved, outsiders living life on their own terms, – compassionately and cleverly made, mostly with non-pro actors.
    Otherwise, if you prefer an anarchic, laugh-a-minute, politically-incorrect, outlaw road-race movie instead, try getting a copy of “The Gumball Rally” (from 1976), – no Academy awards for this one, naturally!
    The movie industry nowadays seems petrified of depicting real mavericks and nonconformists in an affectionate and positive light.
    I can’t think of any really good, courageous, more-modern counterparts of the above movies off-hand, – can anyone?
    Lastly, yay Veronica, you’re so right, – Elvira’s great work really is a totally uplifting experience!
    Thanks for reminding me, – I really must dig out my DVD of that classic, all-time, cult block-buster of hers, for my special treat this weekend.
    Happy alternative, ‘Hermit’-style viewing, everyone!

    Zoe T.

    • OMG – Zoe, do you actually own a copy of the Elvira DVD? That makes me so happy for some reason! Love your movie suggestions – I will seek them out. I remember seeing Suburbia when it came out and I loved it – I need to rewatch it!

  6. Angela says:

    You can add — The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Kinky Boots, and Some Like it Hot.
    My all time favorite movies.

  7. Jessica says:

    If you havn’t seen Fright Night go find it now!! Veronica will love Jerry Dandridge like I have since the movie came out in 1985!!

  8. Susan says:

    Your movie picks are hilarious. My favorite movies that other people could have cared less about were The Money Pit; The Bird Cage and The Addams Family.

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