July 2014

Do you remember when you were 13 and you would spend hours doing those stupid quizzes in teen magazines?

I remember one lazy Summer day in particular when I laid up in my friends tree fort with a pile of Seventeen magazines and we quizzed each other on crucial topics like Does your crush like you?, Which hollywood hearthrob should I date? and What your shoes say about you…

I thought I would bring back some of that nostalgic Summer fun with a totally ridiculous Tarot personality quiz!

I bet you’re just dying to know which of the four Tarot suits – Wands, Pentacles, Cups and Swords – your personality falls into.

Well, wait no longer!

1. It’s a hot Summer day and you’re spending a day at the beach! You spend your time….

a. Thinking, thinking, thinking…..about all your problems and what you should about    this colossal problem that is your life.

b. Daydreaming about sexy mermen and all the wonderful possibilities life has to offer.

c. Swimming, running up and down the beach and chatting up the 21 year old lifeguard.

d. Napping in the sun, lazily collecting sea shells and chowing down on fried food at the concession stand while you read some grisly true crime book.

 

2. Your dream career is…

a. Professor of something very intellectual where you get to wear smart looking glasses and read lots of books.

b. Painter and sculptor that lives on an island, by the beach. Instead of a coffee break, you take skinny dipping breaks.

c. Running your own business where you get to be creative, teach, travel and be fabulous!

d. Farmer, Builder or Chef – something earthy, where you get to work with your hands.

 

3. When you go to a friend’s house for dinner, you….

a. Fret about what your host will serve because you are very, very concerned about chemical additives, GMOs, pesticide residue, gluten, BGH in dairy and eating meals with a 80/20 alkaline/acidic ratio.

b. Are simply delighted and touched by the beautiful foods she has lovingly prepared for you. You feel so nourished!

c. Look forward to meeting the other guests and networking with them. You have so many exciting, juicy stories to share and love being the center of attention.

d. Spend forever picking out what to wear. Everything you own seems to exacerbate your spare tire. But holy fuck, are you ever looking forward to knocking back the wine tonight! Good times ahead!

 

4. When you meet someone for the first time, you always ask them…

a. What books they are currently reading.

b. How their love life is going or how they met their significant other.

c. What their big dreams and visions are.

d. What they do for a living.

 

5. In bed you like…

a. Dirty talk and role playing. Maybe even a bit of bondage.

b. Romantic bubble baths and eye gazing.

c. Excitement galore! Elevator sex, threesomes and lap dancing.

d. A candlelit massage on silk sheets, followed by a generous glass of red wine.

 

6. A perfect meal would not be complete without…

a. Scintillating conversation and debate.

b. Deliciously prepared seafood

c. Something spicy!

d. Chewy bread, tasty fowl, fine wine, good cheese and Tiramisu.

 

 

7. Your favorite escape is…

a. Music

b. Booze

c. A torrid affair

d. A good book

 

8. If you were handed one million dollars, you would…

a. Pay off your mortgage, upgrade your car and get your masters degree.

b. Go to a $30,000 shamanic dream journey retreat in Hawaii, a $28,000 past life DNA activation seminar in Sedona, Arizona, a $40,000 painting the goddess art tour of Italy, Greece and Turkey, etc, etc… and more wonderful stuff like this!

c. Start a charity for animals in need, backpack around the world – volunteering with various humanitarian aid organizations and write a novel about it.

d. Get plastic surgery.

 

9. Your tastes in literature tend to lean towards…

a. Non-fiction.

b. Romance novels.

c. Self help, personal growth and business books.

d. Stories! Especially trilogies and epic series.

10. You suddenly realize your job is total shit and everyone you work with is a complete sociopath. So of course you….

a. Spend a lot of time thinking about what you should do…..and plotting revenge.

b. Emote! Cry about your troubles to friends, family and random strangers in the lineup at the grocery store.

c. Take action! Immediately start looking for a new job and/or quit your current job.

d. Say to yourself “making changes is too hard right now” and then go watch some reality TV, eat some crispy chips and pretend everythings fine.  Your unhappiness will show up later as stomach problems, headaches, rashes and eye infections.

 

Your Results!

Okay, now tally up your score…

Mostly A’s – Oh no, this means you identify most strongly with the Suit of Swords – the jerkiest suit in the Tarot! Your brainy, bitchy, focused and boring. Oh well, at least your well read.

On the plus side, your great at communicating with others, teaching and making decisions. You don’t like to dawdle and piss around – you get shit done and most people respect you a great deal, even if they can’t stand you.

 

Mostly B’s – Yay! Your Cupsy! You identify most strongly with the Suit of Cups – the creative, emotional, touchy feely suit. You love intimacy but crave your freedom.

You enjoy spiritual exploration, personal growth and making stuff but your mom tells you that you need to get your shit together, for god’s sakes your 35 years old and other people your age have families, careers and second marriages. When are you ever going to find yourself?

 

Mostly C’s – Well congratulations, you Wandsy Wanton! You identify most strongly with the Suit of Wands, the suit of impassioned action and adventure.

Your a go-getter, people like you and your sexy as hell. But at some point you will crash and burn, so don’t get so smug with your checked off goal lists and your manifested dreamboards. Mwwahahaha! At some point you will have a midlife crisis and realize that being successful is totally boring…at which point you may suddenly attain spiritual enlightenment.

 

Mostly D’s – You identify strongly with the Suit of Pentacles. Your down to earth and what you see is what you get. You have truly mastered the art of being in the here and now – as skill that others could certainly learn from you.

You love all the earthly delights like food, wine and sex, but you can sometimes become obsessed with your physical appearance and have a tendency to ignore your emotions, which resurface as physical problems like constipation, low back pain and allergies.

 

In the comments below tell me which suit you fit into (or if you were a combination of two suits) and if your personality description was bang on or way off target 😉 ….