I recently “let go” of a friendship that had been slowly fizzling out and was inspired to create this Tarot spread. This spread can be used for any kind of relationship that you’re on the fence about – romantic, friendship or even work related.
*I haven’t numbered the cards because you can read them in any order you like
What Needs to Change? This card will give you ideas on what needs to change in order for you to be happy in this relationship.
(Example: The Hanged Man = I need to stop being so passive and accommodating)
How should you act (moving forward?) This cards gives you insight into what aspects of your personality you need to tap into while you navigate this relationship.
(Example: The Queen of Swords = be a bitch who speaks her mind!)
If you go...
What was the purpose or meaning of this relationship? If you want to fully release this relationship in healthy way, it can help to understand it's purpose in your life and what you learned, instead of writing it off as just another failure.
(Example: 7 of Pentacles = This relationship taught me patience.)
How do you let go?
This card can give you insights into how you can best release this relationship, get over it and move on.
(Example: 3 of Cups = celebrate the good friendships you have)
What action should you take?
This card will (hopefully) help you decide whether to end or continue this relationship.
When I did this spread I got the Princess of Wands from the Heart & Hands Tarot, so I asked what would she do in this situation? and after thinking about it for a bit I decided she would choose the path of least resistance - the one that gave her the most energy.
I hope you enjoy using this spread in all your relationship conundrums!
Not going to a yoga retreat in Costa Rica with my friend Laura (because I thought I was being responsible by saving my money. Stupid!)
Spilling fish oil on a shirt and then washing it in the regular wash. DON’T EVER DO THIS!!!! It makes ALL your clothes reek of dead fish for months.
Picking up a hitchhiker.
But I suppose if I wanted to be a minimalist, I would say there is actually only ONE thing I regret in life – ignoring my intuition.
Because in all those situations, my intuition was guiding me down the right path but I chose to ignore.
So back to the hitchhiker.
I was vacationing on a small island off the B.C. coast with my significant other and we had just finished a beautiful day hike along a remote beach trail. We were heading back to our cabin along an old, deserted logging road when we spotted a dude hitchhiking…in the middle of nowhere. Weird right?
He looked like an old hippy and at first glance seemed harmless.
A soft voice in the back of my heart said “fuck it, just keep driving” but my mind said “he’s probably a local hippy and hitchhikes all the time. If you don’t pick him up who will? This is the middle of nowhere! Be kind and helpful for once in your life…”
I asked my significant other how he felt about picking him up. He said “it’s your call”. Which is his way of saying if this shit goes south, it’s on you.
I’d never picked up a hitchhiker before. It was something I always considered dangerous but this was different. I was on a small island where everyone knew each other, I had my burly boyfriend with me and this guy just looked like a harmless local. How could this possibly go wrong?
So I pulled over and picked him up. Over the course of our 20 minute drive,I learned four things about him:
His #1 goal was to return to Alberta and get back on his meds.
His DNA was part wolf and he was on the island to commune with the wolf packs. Here’s a snippet:“I can run with the wolves because I’m part wolf and they recognize me as one of them. But don’t you try it, okay? Promise me you won’t try it. They would rip you to shreds. I can do it because I’ve got wolf DNA.”
He was certain we were being followed by “dark government agents” in a black SUV and that they were trying to run me off the road. Yet there were no other vehicles around (!)
He was bleeding from a large dog bite on his arm.
Needless to say, I spent the entire drive tightly gripping the steering wheel and praying he wouldn’t murder us.
(*please note: I do realize that statistically, very few mentally ill people are actually dangerous. And I don’t intend to portray people with mental health issues as “scary” people that should be avoided. This is simply my experience and how it felt to me at the time).
It ended well – we dropped him off at the ferry terminal and he thanked us profusely for the ride and left. But that is the LAST TIME I ever pick up a hitchhiker!
So what did I learn from this? Two things.
My intuition was a soft voice – not a loud one.
I experienced my intuition as a slight feeling of just wanting to keep driving. My intuition didn’t shout NO! DON’T DO IT! Instead it murmured just keep driving.
I think we often expect our intuition to be loud and clear. But intuition communicates through inklings and hunches, not bellowing orders.
My intuition’s worst enemy is my desire to be polite.
Honestly, I have lost count of the times I’ve ignored my intuition for the sake of “being polite”. From my run in with a masturbator at the local pool (a story for another time!) to picking up this mentally unstable hitchhiker, I often favor courting danger over possibly hurting someone’s feelings.
This desire for politeness is a terrible affliction, especially when it overpowers our survival instincts.
Intuitive information is often irrational.
When my friend Laura invited me to go to Costa Rica with her, my intuition said “yes! do it!” but my rational mind said “are you crazy? You need to save your money for a house.”
That time I ran into a pervert at the pool, my intuition told me “this guy is creepy. Leave the steam room now.” But my rational mind said “he hasn’t done anything weird, so relax.” 20 seconds later things got weird.
Your intuition sees past appearances and “facts” to the raw truth of a situation. And while it can sometimes seem like ignoring your intuition is the easiest option in the short term, it never is.
Intuitive Tarot 101
The next time your doing a Tarot reading, be aware that any intuitive information you get may be impolite and irrational!
If you choose to only communicate stuff that makes perfect sense and won’t make your client uncomfortable, you’re tossing a wet blanket on your intuitive flame.
For many years I shied away from communicating what my intuition was telling me during a Tarot reading IF that information might be upsetting or intrusive. This was a mistake!
For example, when I realized one of my clients was planning on breaking up with her dud boyfriend, I avoided saying anything specific about it because she hadn’t asked about her relationship (she’d asked for a “general reading”) and I didn’t want to pry. So of course the reading lacked spice and intrigue 🙁
But I’ve learned from my mistakes. Now I’m more likely to pass on the info my intuition is serving up like I did in this reading, even if it blows back in my face.
Tell me about YOU…
When was the last time you ignored your intuition and regretted it? Tell me in the comments below!
Halloween is almost upon us! Last year I was disappointed we didn’t get any trick-or-treaters but this year I’m glad because the price of Halloween candy is surprisingly high! This year I’ll probably turn off all the lights and eat chocolate bars alone in the dark 🙂
Thank you to all who did last weeks Tarot Challenge 🙂 Your insights were enlightening and I wish I had you all sitting beside me the next time I do a tricky reading! This is my follow up to that reading (details have been changed for confidentiality purposes)…
True confession: my last Tarot reading client totally hated her reading.
Here’s another confession….it’s not the first time this has happened!
Not too long ago I did a reading for a friend of a friend. She wanted to ask about a new guy she’d just met. They were going on their first date on Saturday night, three days away, and she was pretty sure he was The One.
We asked the cards “what is the potential of this relationship? What could the relationship be like if they continue dating?”
I pulled three cards and turned then over one by one….The Tower, Five of Cups and Ten of Swords.
It didn’t bode well.
Robin Wood Tarot
And while I almost never say things like this, but I went ahead and said “I don’t think it’s going to work out.”
She looked at me like I’d slapped her and said “but it HAS TO work out. He’s THE ONE and I NEED for this to work out right now.”
She was pissed!
So I said “okay, let’s take a closer look at each card and what it could mean.” I broke down each card individually and all it’s possible meanings – both negative and positive.
The Towershows that this relationship could shake her to her core and create many changes in her life. Which could be a good thing, but the miserable cards accompanying this one suggest otherwise.
The Five of Cups represents dwelling on what isn't working. If it was surrounded by some neutral or positive cards I would say it symbolizes a need to change one's mindset and look for the good. But since all the cards are dreary, I really struggled to put a positive spin on this one.
The Ten of Swords can signify betrayal, feeling utterly powerless and/or a tendency to think things are worse than they really are. All the cards together seemed to be saying stay away! Run! Run!
The cards were clear as day, but here's the frustrating part:
She was absolutely unwilling to hear anything that didn't support her fantasy that this guy was The One.
In the end I kind of gave up and said "I could be wrong. The cards could be wrong. Perhaps this will work out wonderfully. But this is just what I'm getting from these cards in front of me."
After all, my reading isn't The Last Word and I always encourage my clients to take what I say with a grain of salt.
When it was all said and done she thanked me for the reading, said I'd given her lots to think about and left. But I could tell she felt unsatisfied, like when you go to a restaurant and order french fries and the waiter brings you steamed tofu.
Or when you crash a wedding party only to find out it's a "dry" wedding. Or when Chris Hemsworth only takes his shirt off once, at the very beginning of Thor, and you sit through the rest of yet another boring superhero movie, hoping for a glimpse of ab that never comes. Okay, you get the point.
And nothing feels worse than being the cause of someone else's disappointment.
As a Tarot reader, I want to deliver. I want to give someone the goods, the nitty gritty, the juicy details they've been longing to hear. I don't want to be a wet blanket or a brick of steamed tofu. Noooooo!
But I also don't want to just make up a bunch of happy crap if the cards are saying something else. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer but I also don't want to be dishonest.
So this leads me to two important questions that every Tarot reader will eventually ask:
Is there anything I could have done differently in that reading to avoid disappointing my client?
What do I do if a client doesn't like their reading?
Let's start by tackling question #1
Is there anything I could have done differently?
My biggest mistake was doing a reading that focused heavily on The Future, by asking about the potential of a relationship that didn't even exist yet.
Anytime we focus a reading on the future, we dis-empower ourselves because we assume the future is set in stone and that our actions and thoughts have little influence. And that's crazy!
Some better questions might have been:
how can she best prepare for her upcoming date?
What does she need to know about this situation?
What message does her higher self/guides have for her regarding romance?
These questions would have made it easier to steer the reading in a more empowering direction, even if she got the same three crappy cards.
But even if I did everything right and delivered the perfect reading, she may still have hated it...
What to do if a client doesn't like their reading
Ask yourself this: Was this a bad reading skill-wise? Or did I just not tell my client what she wanted to hear?
Nothing triggers insecurity in a Tarot reader more than an unhappy client, but it's important to distinguish between a genuinely crappy reading and a reading that just didn't mirror your client's hopes.
In my case, I was confident in my reading skills. I knew the reading I gave was solid. But I did wonder....should I have delivered the information in such an upfront fashion? Or should I have been more gentle?
But what if it had been a bad reading skill-wise? Should I have offered her a refund?
Luckily, I've never had a client ask for a refund and I've never felt the need to offer one. But if I did feel like I delivered a terrible reading - and my client seemed unhappy - I wouldn't feel comfortable just sending them on their way.
However, I once read this on a Tarot reader's site: "Tarot readings are free. I charge for my time."
So I think it's up to the reader to do what feels best for them.
Self Care 101
If you're new-ish to reading for others, a bad experience can have a powerful effect on you. Even if you're more experienced, the feeling that your client didn't love their reading can be de-motivating and make you question if you're really fit to be a Tarot reader.
Set an intention: Before each reading I set the intention that whatever comes up during the reading is exactly what that person needs to hear at this time. This allows me to let the reading go once it's over and not think I should have said this or I shouldn't have said that.
Have good boundaries: It's helpful to remind yourself that your role as a Tarot reader is to interpret the cards as best you can and help your client find ideas and solutions. It's NOT your job to fix their problems or tell them what they want to hear.
Learn from your bad experiences: Whenever I'm not happy with how a reading went, I ask myself what I could have done differently (like I did above). This isn't about regret or beating myself up, it's about learning and growing as a reader.
Over to you! Have you ever had an unsatisfied client or a reading you didn't feel great about? What did you do? Tell me in the comments below 🙂
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